dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
