So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
