Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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