What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you traded sex for a burrito?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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