she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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