she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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