My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
