I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
