I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
