A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Damn victory sex feels great
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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