u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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