lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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