Barsexuality is the new black.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize