your parents love me but you hate me
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I can't trust your balls anymore.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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