Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
