i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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