She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize