I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
