the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize