just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Randomize
