she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
