There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
try to milk me bitch
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
