That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
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