If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
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