dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
