my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
