he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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