Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
