yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
