so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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