I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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