I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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