i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize