i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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