don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
