Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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