THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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