I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
