guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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