It's like God shit irony all over that family
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
