I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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