I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
