Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He keeps bees of course he's weird
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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