that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize