you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
