I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We're too hungover to prance.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
