whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize