dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
