So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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