Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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