someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
