We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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