Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
