chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
