i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
