You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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