tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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