I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize