But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
