My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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