Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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