y did u give ur computer a hand job?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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