The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize