i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
