As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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