so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
