who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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