Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
