if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
