I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
