do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
