White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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