ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
