we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
