member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
