she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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