dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
