He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
