here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
