im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
