Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
