so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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