She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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