Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
