the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
