He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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