he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
