Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
