Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
