I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
