Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
