he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Randomize
