He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
