that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
