Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(979): View more from Texas

so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.

(1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

You make your fellow Jews happy.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.

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(667): View more from Maryland

what customs doesn't know wont hurt them

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(863): View more from Florida

I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.

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(320): View more from Minnesota

Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.

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(805): View more from California

I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.

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