sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
