After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
