I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
