From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Randomize
