i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize