So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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