OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
