He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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